Looking to buy some real estate? This particular Zillow listing is probably NOT a good investment.
Maybe that’s being unfair. If wall-to-wall creeps and hot and cold running chills are a must-have in your next home, it’s the perfect little spot. Do you see where we’re going with this? That’s right, the Haunted Mansion has been listed on Zillow!
As a promo for the upcoming Haunted Mansion film (which debuts on July 28th), Zillow has put the infamous mansion up on its website, and the listing is absolutely perfect. First of all, at 13,195 sq. ft., there’s no doubt this is a true MANSION.
But we have to say that all that space and only 2 bathrooms seems less than ideal. C’mon Ghost Host — might be time for some updates. In fact, we’d say that’s the BIGGEST problem with his house. Never mind the price (“Your Soul”) or the ghostly apparitions — we can deal with all that. But only 2 bathrooms?! Unacceptable.
OK, so maybe that price is a little steeper than you usually expect to pay for a house (even a mansion), but check out these amenities! Brimstone fireplaces, cooling that pops up “without notice” (’cause who doesn’t love a surprise), and an incredibly large lot when you account for the cemetery on property…all very noteworthy additions. However, there’s no parking, which is kind of a bummer.
Zillow’s description of the Haunted Mansion notes that it’s “only minutes from downtown New Orleans, just outside the city on a secluded bayou road.” The property “has been miraculously preserved in its original condition.” We love a vintage moment.
The description also says, “It is important to disclose that this property is indeed haunted, and its inhabitants inflict terror and promise eternal entrapment to all who enter. We are certain that you will find this place irresistible and promise that once you see it in person, you will find it impossible to leave it behind.”
So, you know, just your typical family home, basically.
The pictures included in the listing show the “air of timeless malevolence” that is advertised.
The “eerie ambiance” is a key feature as well. It “creates a horrifying experience which includes the feeling of complete hopelessness that is bound to leave you questioning your own reality.” Can someone tell me how that’s different from my typical Tuesday afternoon? I think we’ll fit right in.
Here are some details Zillow lists about the home:
- Foyer: A grand entryway with statues that threaten your life.
- Great Hall: Ideal for entertaining invited and uninvited guests.
- Library: A collection that inspires unforgettable nightmares.
- Ballroom: Lovely space where ghostly souls celebrate and imprison.
- Séance Room: Perfect for summoning the dead and human possession.
- Hallway: Didn’t get your steps in? Keep walking. Forever.
- Conservatory: Enjoy exotic plants and eerie supernatural phenomena.
- Attic: A foreboding room, a miserable unliving bride included.
- Gated Entrance: Great for keeping guests in. Forever.
- Garden: Stroll the pathway full of elegant shrubbery and evil spirits.
- Weather: Ominous dark clouds and eerie foreboding mist.
- Cemetery: A constant mist and fog allows the unliving to roam freely.
To learn more, watch this video of a full tour hosted by one of Zillow’s top real estate agents.
So are you ready to send in your offer yet? Or maybe you want to watch Haunted Mansion when it hits theaters on July 28th, just to make sure you really know what you’re getting yourself into.
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